Sunday, June 28, 2009

Vive le différence !

It has been said: "To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little."

"To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all."



Poor James, over at http://nourishingobscurity.blogspot.com/ . Long story short, he took it upon himself to add a voting poll to even out another voting poll he had done earlier. This post is for him. :D (forgive me ;D)


It has been said: "Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit."




WOMEN...

A department store opened in New York City that sold men and a woman decides to visit it in search of a husband.
At the store’s entrance, there’s a sign outlining the department store policy.
The first rule states that you can only enter the store once.
There are six floors and on each floor you can choose a husband or elect to move on to the next floor.
You cannot visit a floor more than once other than to leave the building.
The woman visits the first floor.
The sign reads:
· Men with jobs.
She moves on to the second floor:
· Men with jobs that adore children.
She moves on the the third floor where the sign reads:
· Wealthy men that adore children and are very handsome.
She thinks to herself, "that's a very good deal" yet moves on to the fourth floor:
WOMEN...

A department store opened in New York City that sold men and a woman decides to visit it in search of a husband.
At the store’s entrance, there’s a sign outlining the department store policy.
The first rule states that you can only enter the store once.
There are six floors and on each floor you can choose a husband or elect to move on to the next floor.
You cannot visit a floor more than once other than to leave the building.
The woman visits the first floor.
The sign reads:
· Men with jobs.
She moves on to the second floor:
· Men with jobs that adore children.
She moves on the the third floor where the sign reads:
· Wealthy men that adore children and are very handsome.
She thinks to herself, "that's a very good deal" yet moves on to the fourth floor:
· Wealthy men that adore children, are very handsome and help with the household chores.
She decides to move on as things are constantly improving:
· Wealthy men that adore childern, are very handsome, help with the household chores and are very romantic.
The woman is about to make her purchase but can't resist moving on to the sixth floor.
There the sign reads:
· You are visitor number 31,456,012 on this floor.
· There are no men here.
· This floor exists as proof that it is impossible to please women.


& MEN…

Opposite this department store, another department store opened that sold women. The sign on the first floor reads:
· Women that love sex.
On the second floor the sign reads:
· Women that love sex and are wealthy.
On the third20floor the sign reads:
· Women that love sex, are wealthy and have large breasts.
Not a single man has visited the fourth floor.



On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming,she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! No one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment there is silence. everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. This tall, tanned and built guy with jet black eyes starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.

No one moves. As this man approaches, the woman begins to get excited. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Iron this."

8 comments:

Honey said...

AVAILABLE NOW - EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN

ALL WELCOME


Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, lunch will be provided as will instructions as how to take lunch from its packaging without a woman to hold it for you.


Topics covered on this course include:

DAY ONE

TOILET ROLLS - DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practising with hamper (pictures and graphics)

DISHES & CUTLERY; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate amongst a panel of experts

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote - Helpline and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down whilst shouting - Open forum


DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation and anger management

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Role playing and slideshow

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class, NOT your secretary

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available (male counsellers sadly unavailable-none passed training course)

James Higham said...

Yes, Honey - the post did not descend to man-bashing. It was meant just to be a bit of humour.

Honey said...

*sigh* I'm not allowed any fun :(

James Higham said...

Let's see some anti-women ones from you now. :) Remember, the trick is evenhandedness. I'm coming over to visit too.

Honey said...

Best I can do and sorry girls!

Yesterday I was having some work done at the car dealer. A blonde woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. They all looked at each other, and one of the mechanics asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there." The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"

She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."

Here's what she was pointing to:

http://a7.vox.com/6a00b8ea0714ea1bc000d4142a888f3c7f-pi

His Girl Friday said...

Hey you two, having all the fun while I've been working and getting ready for company.... ;D


My husband's favourite word is 'Sensuous':

...sense you was up, can you fetch me another beer...

James Higham said...

[Laughed]

Anonymous said...

Hi
generic acomplia
You can order Acomplia at reliable online pharmacy and save money.
[url=http://www.jomtienbeachhotel.com/]acomplia online pharmacy[/url]

After this drug was introduced in the market, there have been independent studies suggested that the side effects are stronger as what is stated by the manufacturer studies.
http://www.jomtienbeachhotel.com/ - acomplia 20 mg
The risk where related to serious psychiatric problems and suicide that comes along with taking this drug.