I've always longed to gallop a horse along the shore. Ideally, I picture it being along the rugged coastline of Ireland or some place similiar. While on holiday ages ago, I was able for a brief moment to ride along the North Sea shoreline. Though the ride was fun and the moment exhilirating with the realization of being in that part of the world, it lacked the freedom and passion that I longed for in the experience. I'm still thankful for that opportunity, but my longing for the other has not ebbed. It's been a few weeks now since my
car crash, so I've had time to continue on the journey of physically healing. My emotional and mental state is still in the ups and downs of things, as I go through the 'grief' cycle; however, I've not come to any life altering realizations or revelations. People have asked me, do you see life differently now, and appreciate more....well, I say, I work in a critical care baby unit and therefore am privy to seeing tragedy; so, really all in all, I'm thankful everyday for what I have. Sure I've had my 'moan' moments, but I think that is just being human.
When I allow my mind to go back to that night, and relive each millisecond of the crash, thankfullness and tears do come when I think about what I was spared, what my family was spared. If anything, I am more purposed now to aim for making dreams come true, not only my dreams, but for my loved ones, as well. I still think/ask, God? what's the game plan? and hear only silence; yet, when I hear a certain song or glimpse at a picture that causes my spirit to stir, the chest to tighten, my heart to skip a beat, a tear to fall and know that is so right...I need to hold onto that feeling, that thought, and believe in it. My wish if anything is to live less selfishly, not by denying myself my dreams, but perhaps in fulfilling them, if this makes sense. I only ask that my dreams be in accordance with God's will and not from some selfish ambition. With this said, I do believe that in pursuing what's on my heart, fulfilling those dreams, becoming the best that I can be, in this, others will be blessed. Often in the past, I've become discouraged, thinking what I have to offer isn't much, my desires to learn this or that won't amount to anything or be useful; I could go on, but I won't. I think we all have our doubts with things. In this post, I just want to encourage readers here to consider your dreams, consider what you have to offer. Nothing is too small, not even something the size of a mustard seed.
"The purpose of human life is to serve and to show compassion and the will to help others.”
--Albert Schweitzer
"...And I know what I have to do now. I have to keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"
--Tom Hanks, in the film Cast Away
